If the world ended this very second.

We all want to go with a boom, crash. But, what if the world ended this very second. Right when you were reading this, right when I was writing it. What a way to go... Complete darkness, no solid sight or sound to hold onto. Is that what death and truly disappearing would feel like? Maybe that's why we are afraid of not existing. We are afraid of the still. Of course we come up with the children's stories that have talking dolls and chairs, but if they were to appear in front of us, like an adult reality, we'd run away screaming like babies. Isn't that ironic. We teach children normalcy, yet when normalcy is abnormal we regress.
I wonder though, I wonder what I would regret, what I would find totally obscure, what I would wish I had done, if the world were to end this very second. On first thought: nothing. I would regret nothing. But, that's the problem with thinking. The deeper you get into these obscure notions of 'the end' the more you come up with insane theories to match them. Would I wish I had done something different? Yeah, be dying right next to the one that I love and not on the computer philosophizing about 'the end'. Why must we think about this as the end anyway?
I guess if you believe in an afterlife, koodos to you, since you'll be reincarnated, in hell, in heaven, purgatory, some sort of weird dominion of space and time continuum that I don't see myself ever believing in. I know I will die, I will decompose, become earth worm or bacteria feed and then occasionally be fertilizer for grass, if I am lucky enough to have something worth using in me apart from all the preservatives. I also wonder about all of those emotions that I keep inside of me, that I haven't let go and won't because I am scared of either rejection or merely out of self-control. Hedonism is not such a bad idea...? No, what I am trying to aim at is self-control is necessary to suppress the insanity. But, I wonder then if I will become like Mr. Wilde who fled England to preserve his own sanity. I am sure after reading this rant, you'd rather have wished that this were the end of time... or maybe not, because you'd rather have been doing something better.
--- Live in the moment, let tomorrow be undecided and let the past rot where it belongs - in the past.

XOXO