I suppose you can only drive a person to the edge so many times before they fall on their own will. Similarly, you can only bring the horse to the water so many times that it knows that it ought to drink with its own mouth. Sadly, we all drive people too the edge, too many times. We forget that we have our weaknesses, our strengths and our crazy dreams that no one will ever understand.
As I was reading De Monfort for the past four days, I realized that the passions of the mind are impossible to forget and fruitless to forgive if their outcome be negative. The impulses, those rash emotions, they bind you to themselves. They never let you forget that it was in your hands to react a particular way.
I have always been the one to spare a person's emotions. Especially as a relationship of long came to an end. But, even I can't help feeling that there are always too many words left unspoken, too many emotions coiled up in the dark pits of our stomach that no one but you will ever know to be real.
I feel like a Miss Havisham and a Pip and an Estella all at once. I've been living in an unruly contradiction my whole life and until I learned to face myself, it was hard to explain what I meant and what I felt to somebody else.
Now, here I am, spilling my guts and brains out to the virtual space, uncaring of what the world might view me as. For I do know, now, that all the times I pretended I was strong, I was weak and all the times I became vulnerable, I was stronger than I had ever known myself to be in the faith that dependence had an ultimate goal.
--- If you only knew how many times I counted all the words that went wrong... - If You Only Knew by Shinedown
