We would give into the fight or flight response every time had we no control over our emotions. Worse, we would be jumping every guy or girl that we found attractive, but even animals have a sort of rationale of a mating period for when they do that. So, I suppose this means that rationality ought to control the emotions. However, I almost want to go the Rochester route and claim that there is such a thing as 'right reason', the one that appeals to the senses. In moderation. He did die of syphilis, I am quite aware of that fact, and was known to be an outright womanizer, but that doesn't mean that what he claimed had any less credibility. He just didn't practice what he preached... let's call ourselves ALL guilty for doing that. But, the essence of this rant is to aim at the impossibility of controlling your emotions even though you have self-control.
There is a distinction between societal and outward self-control as opposed to the complete obliteration of thoughts and emotions. It seems as though we can not pursue the latter without either being ignorant of our true intentions, motives and desires and hence simply lying to ourselves. The idea of self-control because society claims it right or appropriate given a particular circumstance, seems to me to be hypocritical. Of course we don't want to act on all our emotions, but it is absurd to believe that we don't have them and that they will and must control us from time to time. We only find the absurd beautiful or grotesque because it amplifies or reduces to it's meager form what our incessant desires, vices and virtues are in exaggeration...
For "man differs from man, more than man differs from beast" -- Rochester's Satyr Against Reason and Mankind.
That's all for now...
XOX
Friday, 22 April 2011
Friday, 8 April 2011
Don't we all have secrets?
I understand that God knows everything, at least the Judeo-Christian God does. So, I ask myself. Do I have secrets? Or am I lying naked in front of someone, basked open in my shame, sadness, happiness, every thought and desire known. Well, I would rather be nothing than have that. God is so human like in the Judeo-Christian tradition that it is almost humiliating to lay myself bare to such a being. Maybe because I might feel what God feels, having the knowledge that God has about my wrong-doings.
This would be a problem had I an ounce of belief in God. I do have respect, however, for the claims of knowledge that people seem to impose upon me of the Being. But, I digress. What about the possibility that this person, was simply god-like? I would be laying bare in their ability to know my secrets and their priding themselves of that very fact. But, would this person really care about knowing all of the minute mundane details of my life? Every dream, every moment that I breathe, my heart beats... it seems creepy and really boring at the same time. Really, whatever designed our existences or chose to must have had a great amount of time to make the most complex of systems and designs in order that we understand very little of ourselves and live as contradictions.
What if that person, god-like, had a micro-chip embeded into their brain that told them practically everything about me? Would I really fear the person or would I simply be in awe of their knowledge. Of course the person would know my innate desires and what I 'really' wanted from life or from person X that I encountered on a daily basis, but would that make me fear them or simply find them exhausting to keep around?
I like my privacy. There are thoughts and feelings that no person should know about or even bother trying to read. And, it doesn't bother me if no one knows, since that's just the way I want it. Omniscience is a little too demanding of my complex systems, my brain, my thoughts, my desire and my shame. Moreover, if I have been given the opportunity to know EVERYTHING there is to know about another person, I doubt I would take that opportunity and not regret having chosen the knowledge. Now, control of another person, that is an entirely different realm of power-seeking that I shall not get into, at the present moment.
XOXO
This would be a problem had I an ounce of belief in God. I do have respect, however, for the claims of knowledge that people seem to impose upon me of the Being. But, I digress. What about the possibility that this person, was simply god-like? I would be laying bare in their ability to know my secrets and their priding themselves of that very fact. But, would this person really care about knowing all of the minute mundane details of my life? Every dream, every moment that I breathe, my heart beats... it seems creepy and really boring at the same time. Really, whatever designed our existences or chose to must have had a great amount of time to make the most complex of systems and designs in order that we understand very little of ourselves and live as contradictions.
What if that person, god-like, had a micro-chip embeded into their brain that told them practically everything about me? Would I really fear the person or would I simply be in awe of their knowledge. Of course the person would know my innate desires and what I 'really' wanted from life or from person X that I encountered on a daily basis, but would that make me fear them or simply find them exhausting to keep around?
I like my privacy. There are thoughts and feelings that no person should know about or even bother trying to read. And, it doesn't bother me if no one knows, since that's just the way I want it. Omniscience is a little too demanding of my complex systems, my brain, my thoughts, my desire and my shame. Moreover, if I have been given the opportunity to know EVERYTHING there is to know about another person, I doubt I would take that opportunity and not regret having chosen the knowledge. Now, control of another person, that is an entirely different realm of power-seeking that I shall not get into, at the present moment.
XOXO
Wednesday, 6 April 2011
As though I had chosen to be born.
I think I am starting to understand the 'live in the moment' concept a lot better now. It really was not my intention to be born. The original cause of the beginning of my suffering of life I owe it all to the parents. However, I also owe the happiness and the exciting adventures. But, does that mean that I should be grateful for this 'life' that I had no control over deciding whether or not I wanted to live? Yes and no. I didn't choose being born, but I did choose, almost everything that came after those first moments of tears. Of course I am lucky and blessed to have been in a country where I can sit idly from time to time and contemplate such thoughts instead of having to lug ten liters of water on my shoulders, but I could have been born to parents who were much different. I could have been the product of two completely separate individuals that were not my parents. That thought scares me. Have I a soul? If so, then I could have been in a completely different body, with completely different experiences since I had no control over the initiation into this 'home' I call 'the world'.
I think it's as I grow older that I realize that my origin is important. It's unique and had it had a second of a delay, there may have been a change in the outcome of my existence as I so see it now. But, perhaps, nothing would have changed and the only difference would have been my coming into existence at 10:15:13 instead of 10:14:57. A difference in numbers. Numerologists might argue that it did matter, the alignment of the stars and the position of the moon would be different, etc. But, my question still lingers, at any of those two times, why was it 'me' that was born? Why not 'you'? Or somebody else.
I started off claiming that I understand the meaning of 'living in the moment' better now. And the reason for that is: I hadn't chosen to be born, but I have chosen to live. Hence, it seems that I ought to continue to live in the moment, feel satisfied if this day were my last. I wonder if Obama or even Paris Hilton are satisfied having lived their lives the way that they wanted to, with an imminent amount of success at their doorsteps. Or do we always end up wanting more? Evading the inevitable and trying to prolong it for as long as possible until the impossible surfaces and the heart, the kidney, the lungs fail, or the cancer is simply unbeatable...
--- Suddenly my eyes were opened, everything comes into focus, we are all illuminated, lights are shining on our faces, brightly... Illuminated by Hurts.
XOX
I think it's as I grow older that I realize that my origin is important. It's unique and had it had a second of a delay, there may have been a change in the outcome of my existence as I so see it now. But, perhaps, nothing would have changed and the only difference would have been my coming into existence at 10:15:13 instead of 10:14:57. A difference in numbers. Numerologists might argue that it did matter, the alignment of the stars and the position of the moon would be different, etc. But, my question still lingers, at any of those two times, why was it 'me' that was born? Why not 'you'? Or somebody else.
I started off claiming that I understand the meaning of 'living in the moment' better now. And the reason for that is: I hadn't chosen to be born, but I have chosen to live. Hence, it seems that I ought to continue to live in the moment, feel satisfied if this day were my last. I wonder if Obama or even Paris Hilton are satisfied having lived their lives the way that they wanted to, with an imminent amount of success at their doorsteps. Or do we always end up wanting more? Evading the inevitable and trying to prolong it for as long as possible until the impossible surfaces and the heart, the kidney, the lungs fail, or the cancer is simply unbeatable...
--- Suddenly my eyes were opened, everything comes into focus, we are all illuminated, lights are shining on our faces, brightly... Illuminated by Hurts.
XOX
'Cause I need a Ph. D. to my title to make me a legit writer.
The thing about unformulated, incoherent, insubstantial thoughts is that they are too raw for the eyes of 'professional' readers. This is why we edit, proof read, proof read some more, lose our sanities at 4:00 a.m. trying to finish that last paragraph for that last essay of the term. How on earth do people get the inspiration and the motivation to continue writing like maniacs with sheer elegance in those last coffee-driven minutes, is beyond me. Landing with an A+ paper at that, merely blow my mind. But, the truth is, the longer I stay in school, the more concise and coherent my thought and language becomes... well, isn't that a bunch of crap! I admit that it helps, sure, as does living and working in the 'real' world, apart from the academic helps to sustain oneself. My dad knew a man who had dropped out of school in Grade 10, started his own company and then was recruited by my dad's to become the PR manager. I have met him personally and to be honest, I can't tell whether he had ever been to school or whether he's just faking the whole British accent and polished statements. I have read his emails to my dad and really this man is a stroke of genius. His elegance and style may have come from the bucket-loads of experience that he had working post-dropping out, but he did it. He nailed the 'pure' thought process.
Of course, I might discredit his work by claiming that he is just one example and most of us need to go into university or college to get the clarity in our writing and in our speech. Let's be honest with ourselves, at least those studying English in University, we know some of the writers we read and analyze in class were some very unclassy folks who probably never went to school or even if they did, they had minimal education. Their works had the kind of 'raw' that our works lack. Maybe that's the problem with the University structure: discrediting originality of thought, aiming for a robotic understanding of the texts through essay-writing and draining out creativity is the way to go. Perhaps, this makes it slightly easier in the marking? But even then, style and subjectivity of the reader either allows for a subjective A+ or a subjective C-. Perhaps a little more creativity, some more thought, a little more KABAM! in everyone's work can give these mundane tasks a brighter end. But, of course, this whole rant won't be taken seriously unless I had a Ph. D to my title about the ways in which 'Dynamic ways of teaching help improve the creative part of a person's brain' (adding a whole bunch of complicated psychological terminology combined with it's effects on the sociological structuring of the university education).
All I know, is that some of the articles we read in newspapers come from students who have graduated from English undergrad degrees, Journalism undergrad degrees, and so on and so forth. We may take their statements with a grain of salt, but I don't see why we would question it beyond necessary, since we hardly have the time or the energy to spend doing so.
--- 'In science there is a dictum: don't add an experiment to an experiment. Don't make things unnecessarily complicated. In writing fiction, the more fantastic the tale, the plainer the prose should be. Don't ask your readers to admire your words when you want them to believe your story.' Ben Bova
XOXO
Of course, I might discredit his work by claiming that he is just one example and most of us need to go into university or college to get the clarity in our writing and in our speech. Let's be honest with ourselves, at least those studying English in University, we know some of the writers we read and analyze in class were some very unclassy folks who probably never went to school or even if they did, they had minimal education. Their works had the kind of 'raw' that our works lack. Maybe that's the problem with the University structure: discrediting originality of thought, aiming for a robotic understanding of the texts through essay-writing and draining out creativity is the way to go. Perhaps, this makes it slightly easier in the marking? But even then, style and subjectivity of the reader either allows for a subjective A+ or a subjective C-. Perhaps a little more creativity, some more thought, a little more KABAM! in everyone's work can give these mundane tasks a brighter end. But, of course, this whole rant won't be taken seriously unless I had a Ph. D to my title about the ways in which 'Dynamic ways of teaching help improve the creative part of a person's brain' (adding a whole bunch of complicated psychological terminology combined with it's effects on the sociological structuring of the university education).
All I know, is that some of the articles we read in newspapers come from students who have graduated from English undergrad degrees, Journalism undergrad degrees, and so on and so forth. We may take their statements with a grain of salt, but I don't see why we would question it beyond necessary, since we hardly have the time or the energy to spend doing so.
--- 'In science there is a dictum: don't add an experiment to an experiment. Don't make things unnecessarily complicated. In writing fiction, the more fantastic the tale, the plainer the prose should be. Don't ask your readers to admire your words when you want them to believe your story.' Ben Bova
XOXO
Tuesday, 5 April 2011
In between this thought and the next.
What is it like to have a moment where there are no thoughts in your mind, conscious or subconscious? No heart beat, no breathing, no blinking, just nothingness. That is what the gap would be between one thought to the next. Now, to capture it... Surely, it is logically possible that I have thought A and then thought B and where thought A ends, thought B begins. Or, perhaps they overlap? Or maybe, the thoughts are a string or mouse tails connected, or a set of points: Thought A............B. Fishy, this whole thoughts business as it may be, there is still the issue of what one thought comprises. Is it me thinking a word that is a thought? Or is it me having a flowchart/series of events in my mind that is a thought? I guess we can make the distinction between a complete and an incomplete thought. A complete thought being one that encompasses a flowchart-like reasoning behind the existence of that thought and an incomplete thought being one that is a product of the flowchart, but has a random logical inconsistency in the middle.
Well, let me move onto something a little more obscure: the thought comprising something awful. A nightmare: the theory of relativity (in an Einstein joking way) will take up a whole lot of time as a thought. It might 'seem' like a stretched out though, but one that does not finish until the last ounce of negative emotion has left you post-nightmare. A burn, a cut, the feelings, the reaction, the immediate observation, I wonder if these are all singular thoughts... definable in some particular way.
As I ponder these meaningless/meaningful questions (whichever be your take), I surrender myself hopelessly to the 'thought' that I might be confusing feelings with thoughts and thoughts with feelings, although a psychologist might disagree.
XOXO
Well, let me move onto something a little more obscure: the thought comprising something awful. A nightmare: the theory of relativity (in an Einstein joking way) will take up a whole lot of time as a thought. It might 'seem' like a stretched out though, but one that does not finish until the last ounce of negative emotion has left you post-nightmare. A burn, a cut, the feelings, the reaction, the immediate observation, I wonder if these are all singular thoughts... definable in some particular way.
As I ponder these meaningless/meaningful questions (whichever be your take), I surrender myself hopelessly to the 'thought' that I might be confusing feelings with thoughts and thoughts with feelings, although a psychologist might disagree.
XOXO
We are worlds apart.
We all hear it, all the time, or have heard it, once upon a time: we are in different worlds, we belong to different worlds, etc. We have been victims of bullying, gossip, dirty jokes, sneers, because of it. But, what fails to entertain me is when these ideas run in the social lives in the academic worlds: the universities and the colleges. The other myth: he's/she's just not in my league. What does that even mean? He's too good looking or too lame looking for me? How can you even tell at one glance across the bar, across the dance floor. The biggest blow to someone's self-esteem is rejection by societal 'populars'. Heck, had I been 'popular' in highschool or even now, I am sure I wouldn't be here blogging about the victimization of the outcasts. The truth is, I didn't really care about the popularity by social standards. I did what I had to do and then I bolted right out of highschool. I am now in a university where not a single soul from my past exists and lives within 200 - 300 kms of me. A fresh start, right? Not really, since it's the same everywhere that I go. I see these cliques, leagues, groups of friends and social contracts being written up everywhere that I go. It is thoroughly embarrassing for a university student to succumb to these societal norms when we've been taught day in and day out: don't judge a book by it's 'damn' cover. And, yet, we go right ahead and do just that. I know I haven't approached people in the past because they 'look like they are busy' or 'look like they are wayyyyy out of my league' or something similar, but then I realized how many awesome opportunities I lost in making the friends that I could have, because of this flaw in my very own personality.
Now, you, the reader, might think: this is the norm. If this is the norm, then no wonder we are all living a life of clichés. The lonely kid falling in love with the popular kid only to find his/her feelings not reciprocated. What a sad... cliché story. Let's mingle, be a little more dynamic and free.
I swear I must find the popular kids in my year, but I know I can't: too many people with a 150 people + 'friends' listing on Facebook.
That's all for now.
XOX
Now, you, the reader, might think: this is the norm. If this is the norm, then no wonder we are all living a life of clichés. The lonely kid falling in love with the popular kid only to find his/her feelings not reciprocated. What a sad... cliché story. Let's mingle, be a little more dynamic and free.
I swear I must find the popular kids in my year, but I know I can't: too many people with a 150 people + 'friends' listing on Facebook.
That's all for now.
XOX
Monday, 4 April 2011
If the world ended this very second.
We all want to go with a boom, crash. But, what if the world ended this very second. Right when you were reading this, right when I was writing it. What a way to go... Complete darkness, no solid sight or sound to hold onto. Is that what death and truly disappearing would feel like? Maybe that's why we are afraid of not existing. We are afraid of the still. Of course we come up with the children's stories that have talking dolls and chairs, but if they were to appear in front of us, like an adult reality, we'd run away screaming like babies. Isn't that ironic. We teach children normalcy, yet when normalcy is abnormal we regress.
I wonder though, I wonder what I would regret, what I would find totally obscure, what I would wish I had done, if the world were to end this very second. On first thought: nothing. I would regret nothing. But, that's the problem with thinking. The deeper you get into these obscure notions of 'the end' the more you come up with insane theories to match them. Would I wish I had done something different? Yeah, be dying right next to the one that I love and not on the computer philosophizing about 'the end'. Why must we think about this as the end anyway?
I guess if you believe in an afterlife, koodos to you, since you'll be reincarnated, in hell, in heaven, purgatory, some sort of weird dominion of space and time continuum that I don't see myself ever believing in. I know I will die, I will decompose, become earth worm or bacteria feed and then occasionally be fertilizer for grass, if I am lucky enough to have something worth using in me apart from all the preservatives. I also wonder about all of those emotions that I keep inside of me, that I haven't let go and won't because I am scared of either rejection or merely out of self-control. Hedonism is not such a bad idea...? No, what I am trying to aim at is self-control is necessary to suppress the insanity. But, I wonder then if I will become like Mr. Wilde who fled England to preserve his own sanity. I am sure after reading this rant, you'd rather have wished that this were the end of time... or maybe not, because you'd rather have been doing something better.
--- Live in the moment, let tomorrow be undecided and let the past rot where it belongs - in the past.
XOXO
I wonder though, I wonder what I would regret, what I would find totally obscure, what I would wish I had done, if the world were to end this very second. On first thought: nothing. I would regret nothing. But, that's the problem with thinking. The deeper you get into these obscure notions of 'the end' the more you come up with insane theories to match them. Would I wish I had done something different? Yeah, be dying right next to the one that I love and not on the computer philosophizing about 'the end'. Why must we think about this as the end anyway?
I guess if you believe in an afterlife, koodos to you, since you'll be reincarnated, in hell, in heaven, purgatory, some sort of weird dominion of space and time continuum that I don't see myself ever believing in. I know I will die, I will decompose, become earth worm or bacteria feed and then occasionally be fertilizer for grass, if I am lucky enough to have something worth using in me apart from all the preservatives. I also wonder about all of those emotions that I keep inside of me, that I haven't let go and won't because I am scared of either rejection or merely out of self-control. Hedonism is not such a bad idea...? No, what I am trying to aim at is self-control is necessary to suppress the insanity. But, I wonder then if I will become like Mr. Wilde who fled England to preserve his own sanity. I am sure after reading this rant, you'd rather have wished that this were the end of time... or maybe not, because you'd rather have been doing something better.
--- Live in the moment, let tomorrow be undecided and let the past rot where it belongs - in the past.
XOXO
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